They say there are three things that money just cannot buy… Manners, morals, and intelligence.
This week, I was verbally abused by a man because I told him “No”. In my line of work, everything comes down to facts and figures, and for him, what he had didn’t add up to much. There is a breed of people in this world who have it in their heads that money = power. For the most part, this is true. But every now and then, money can’t buy you what you need. In this case, money couldn’t buy him manners.
He took me by surprise. I didn’t pick up my phone expecting to be screamed at, and, I have to admit, I cried. Oh boy did I cry! I have been in this particular job for six weeks. It’s a great job, I enjoy it immensely. I’m fucking good at it. I do not, however, get paid enough for this shit.
What I had been subjected to was a tantrum from someone who thought their status and wealth was an influencing factor in this particular business transaction & he was wrong. I still cried though. He scared me. He made me feel frustrated. He made me FURIOUS. What right does any human being, regardless of age, status or bank balance, have to speak to someone with such disrespect? None.
In life, there are assholes. There are people who are assholes because they’re rich, there are people who are assholes because they were born that way. There are assholes who are your boss, there are assholes who are your coworkers, your family, some d-bag who cut you off in traffic on the way to Woollies. Assholes are EVERYWHERE and it’s an unavoidable fact. When dealing with these assholes, it is our responsibility to ourselves to stop and say “Hey Pal, no dice. You don’t get to talk to me this way!”
No one in the world has the right to disrespect you. No matter who they are – you are a human being who deserves the utmost respect – unless you’re being an asshole. One of the most important steps in the journey to “having your shit together” (someone tell me when I’m close please) is learning that it is a FACT that you are a valuable human being who deserves love and respect. No one can take that away from you.
There are a few of my classic missmurphyj motivational outbursts in this post, and they’re all important. But if there’s one piece of wisdom I truly want to give you, it would be this:
IT IS OKAY TO CRY IF YOU ARE UPSET. The people I work with are sweethearts, and every single one of them had my back and defended my work and my integrity. But every single one of them told me not to cry, everything is okay, don’t let him get to you, you will have to develop a thicker skin. Guys, thanks… But Shoosh. I’m upset & I want to cry.
(Edit: just so you know, I did the right thing and despite calling our COO or both directors, he still didn’t get what he wanted! A win for the little guy!)
Work probably isn’t the best place to cry – but I was upset at work. If I had been upset in the comfort and privacy of my own home – I would have cried there! Regardless, I’m going to cry. I’m more than entitled to cry because I am a HUMAN and sometimes humans cry. Science.
We live in an age where emotion is viewed as the ultimate weakness in business, but I disagree. On more than one occasion, my propensity for being empathetic had meant I’ve had to approach a situation differently. I’ve had to learn a new aspect of the business, and I’ve had to be flexible – and it’s made me better at what I do.
So, if you want to cry – cry. Bounce back stronger, learn from your experiences and take it in your stride. When I got home that night, I fell apart. But only for a minute, because my tears weren’t about him, they were about me. I’m entitled to my emotions – and so are you.
So, in summary, because I’ve lost track of where I was going with this, (I started writing it Wednesday, it’s now Monday) remember the following “pearls of wisdom”:
-People are assholes – that’s neither your fault, nor your problem.
-Money doesn’t make you important.
-No one EVER gets to disrespect you. You don’t take shit from nobody.
-Having empathy is not a weakness, it is a strength that is far more valuable than any business skill.
-If you’re upset, and want to cry – don’t let anyone tell you not to. You (presumably) are a human (you might be a cat) and you deserve to experience your own emotions.
This was a super shitty experience and I felt like I learned a lot about myself. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m disadvantaged because I have a moral compass.
I have lost track of this post so I’ll end it here…
Have you ever felt disadvantaged by your emotions? Have you ever triumphed because of them? Tell me a story where a douchebag got what he deserves!
missmurphyj 
Fantastic post! And spot on! Absolutely that was a shitty experience and it’s incredibly clear that your sense of right & wrong, your moral compass, was much, much stronger than his. All we can hope is that karma will teach him the lesson he needs to learn. Poo Poo Head man!
As for you and I, well, I will never apologise for my emotions either – for my empathy, for my compassion, for the fact I ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’. It’s who I am. It’s what makes me, me. I laugh as heartily as I cry, yet people feel much more comfortable with the former! You don’t ever really hear anyone say ‘Oh don’t laugh, don’t be happy’!
My perspective is that an appropriate outburst of tears, laughter or a rant is exactly that, appropriate. It’s a release for our body, it’s natural and it should not be contained. I’ve never been a fan of human self combustion! Having trained in social work, I have had many times with clients or patients where I have pressed their buttons to make them cry, to give them permission to have that release and allow their endorphins to do their job.
One of my staff came to me last week confessing that she had been on a call to a client who was also an asshole. He was rude, angry, nasty and in the end she had enough and told him she would end the call, and did. She cried afterward. I told her that what she did was absolutely acceptable. Yes, we might be working with clients with acquired brain injury, yes we might be working with people who are involuntary clients because they don’t choose to have a disability or illness, but that still doesn’t mean they should forsake their manners. Especially when someone is trying to do their best to help.
Tantrums should stay where they belong, with 2-year olds, and grown-up behaviour should stay with grown-ups – the people like you who have their shit together : )